


decrescendo

by lorilanda



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Friends to Lovers, Light Magic, M/M, my favourite tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorilanda/pseuds/lorilanda
Summary: Tsukishima Kei has glowing skin and is too good at breaking things. Kuroo Tetsurou really should do damage control. He doesn't. Things escalate from there.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 20
Kudos: 98





	decrescendo

**Author's Note:**

> this whole fic is just reverse kintsugi, i'm sorry  
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0HtxR487g0uMONeBhx7ag1)

Tsukishima Kei is not from another world, but he might as well be. Kuroo Tetsurou thinks he will one day die by those golden, golden hands. The world will survive and live to see a new day.

As it stands, there are currently two truths and one lie.

..

"Do you think it will ever stop?" Tsukishima asks him once, years ago in a quiet moment. "The glowing. Do you think that one day it will just go away?"

Tetsurou looks into his eyes, sees honey golden amber jasmine and secretly hopes that it never will.

"Who knows," he says and brushes a few strands out of Tsukishima's face; he’s allowed to do that. They are friends. He’s allowed to look into Tsukishima's eyes when he’s pretending to look away. He’s allowed to be a tiny little bit in love with the boy who stumbled into his life out of nowhere and never left. If he keeps his distance, he’s allowed to do all those things. "I hope it doesn't."

"I hope it does."

The universe has a strange way of granting wishes.

..

Tetsurou meets Tsukishima for the first time when he's thirteen and Tsukishima is eleven, an unlikely friendship forged in middle school when neither of them was looking. It starts like this:

"Whoa. Is your skin  _ glowing _ ?"

"So what if it is?" The boy, who can't be older than ten or maybe eleven, stares at Tetsurou with honey-golden eyes. He's reading something, but he's put the book down and Tetsurou can't see the cover. A shame. "Don’t you have any own business to mind?"

"Just curious." Tetsurou tilts his head and looks at the boy's crossed arms -- it's spring, almost summer and they wear short-sleeved shirts, the kind that stops at the elbows. The boy’s skin, Tetsurou notices to his delight, is actually glowing: a soft golden glimmer that makes everything else around him seem dull and boring. Tetsurou can't quite get himself to look away.

"Is it because you ate toxic waste?" he asks, almost an afterthought and doesn't realize that the other boy might not see the question the same way Tetsurou did, who wanted to ask a serious scientific question. It takes exactly thirteen seconds until the first punch flies.

This is the story of Tetsurou's first real fistfight, even though it wouldn't stay the last. Nobody wins that day: they're both beaten and bloody and absolutely refusing to give up when somebody finally pulls them apart. They wait for half an hour in front of the headmaster's office afterwards and begrudgingly apologize to each other. Tetsurou learns that the boy is named Tsukishima Kei and vows to always call him Tsukki instead -- this almost makes another fight break out before Tetsurou laughs and apologizes -- and he tells him his own in return. They don't quite shake hands but they make up eventually and when they get called into the headmaster's office they've already become something-like-friends.

They still get suspended for two weeks of course, which is how they find out that they're almost living in the same neighborhood. It's funny, really, but Tetsurou won’t complain. Summer break makes them fast friends and by the time fall comes around, he can’t imagine a life without Tsukishima.

Eventually, Tsukishima stops reading books during breaks in favor of the heavy black-and-gold headphones he gets for his fifteenth birthday and Tetsurou gradually becomes less of a terrible person and more of an obnoxious one, much to Tsukishima's dismay. Tetsurou introduces Tsukishima to Bokuto and Kenma and Tsukishima introduces him to Yamaguchi in return, who hides behind his back at first but warms up to Tetsurou eventually. The entire time, Tsukishima's skin glows in the night and Tetsurou teases him about it occasionally and never stops marveling at it.

Tetsurou knows a few people: he knows Oikawa Tooru, who knows things he shouldn't and still gives his best to be tactful about it even though he has never been tactful in his life, and knows Sugawara, who had taken one look at him, nine-and-a-half years ago and had said "You will never find peace until you know who you are" and, amazingly, Tetsurou had believed him. He knows Akaashi, too, who draws flowers from everything he touches if he chooses to and never does it anyway because it raises too many questions. He knows a few people, but he has never met somebody like Tsukishima. There is nobody like Tsukishima, not in their world and not in any others. This is the first of many things Tetsurou will learn about Tsukishima Kei: he is not from another world, but he might as well be.

..

Things have a habit of breaking when Tsukishima is around. Examples: Tetsurou's bike, Tsukishima's arm, Tetsurou's heart. They haven't known each other all that long when it happens the first time, offhand like it could just as well have been an accident, but the broken things keep happening and at some golden glowing point, they catch on. Tsukishima's books soon follow, then his bones. It's a mystery how Tsukishima's headphones managed to stay whole the entire time, when nothing else in his life ever did. (That’s a lie - in Tsukishima’s company, Tetsurou has never once been broken.)

When Tetsurou is seventeen, Tsukishima's arm breaks when he falls from his bike. Nothing spectacular, though the arm is twisted in a strange way and Tetsurou can almost imagine the bone poking through soft skin, glowing golden in a way nothing ever should. The ambulance takes nine minutes and about thirty seconds and when it arrives, Tetsurou refuses to be left behind so they take him with them. The ER is crammed and he loses sight of Tsukishima thrice, but finally the cast is put on and a stern doctor lists the rules they have to follow -  _ no sudden movements, be careful with water, don’t do anything that might hinder the healing process  _ \- along with a warning to be more careful next time. Tsukishima's parents nod and shush them outside.

They get taken to eat ice cream afterwards, because apparently that's the traditional thing to do after you break your arm. Tetsurou secretly thinks that they're both too old to believe that ice cream will make it all better, but he doesn't exactly refuse free food either, so they end up in the small store opposite the Tsukishima's house a few minutes later. Tsukishima gets strawberry and vanilla, Tetsurou chooses chocolate just to piss him off and for a moment, the world is alright.

"You've got ice cream on your cheek," Tetsurou says at some point. There isn't any, of course, but he still snickers as Tsukishima wipes over his cheek at the nonexistent stain, two times because he's neat like that.

"Gone?"

"Nah, try a little to the left." Tsukishima wipes his cheek again. "No, more to the right."

Tsukishima gives him a blank stare. "There's no ice cream on my cheek."

"Tsukki!" Tetsurou gasps in fake dismay and puts a hand to his chest. Tsukishima sticks his tongue out at him. "How could you assume that I would ever lie to you about such a serious matter?"

He snorts. "How could I not?"

"Hurt, Tsukki. I am hurt. How could you be so cold to your friend?" But Tetsurou is grinning, ice cream cone still in his hands, and he's happy to be here, and Tsukishima--

There are certain things that will leave a brand on your heart no matter what you do. Moments that you couldn't possibly avoid in any timeline because you think that maybe fate has set them out for you to happen in every possible universe. The ice cream is irrelevant, and at the time Tetsurou thinks that the broken bone is irrelevant too in the grand scheme of things. What isn't irrelevant is what happens afterwards.

Tsukishima smiles at him; not just a smirk or a taunting grin but one of his rare honest smiles, and it does something strange in Tetsurou's chest, like something clenches and releases again but a faint pain gets left behind. Tetsurou remembers thinking:  _ I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you. _ And then:  _ Oh. Oh fuck. _

It becomes a problem.

..

At eighteen, Tetsurou asks: "Don't you wish we could go back to being cocoons?" They’re sitting on some rooftop, in the middle of the night. Nobody is supposed to ever find out how they got up there and nobody ever will. Their legs dangle off the edge of the building because there are things Tsukishima fears more than dying and Tetsurou will be damned if he doesn’t accompany him every step of the way.

Tsukishima looks at him with the quietness of somebody who doesn’t know he could scream if he wanted to. His glasses are dirty and Tetsurou has to resist the urge to take them off and clean them. But physical touch is off-limits, so he doesn’t.

A cigarette makes its way from Tsukishima's hand into Tetsurou's, nevermind that they were both too young, nevermind that they shouldn't even be up here. Their fingers brush for the slightest moment and a shudder runs through Tsukishima, like some part of him was touched that wasn't meant to be touched; only that's every part of him, isn't it?

"I don't see why," Tsukishima finally says when Tetsurou has almost forgotten the question already. "I mean, I'm not a big fan of change either, but isn't the point of life kind of to constantly move forward? It doesn't solve anything if you go back to something you were before."

"Except when you move into the wrong direction," Tetsurou says, still thinking he would one day move the world with his words. He will never, not in the way he thinks he will now, but his efforts won't be in vain either. "Then you suddenly want to screech to a stop, don't you? You want to go back to your last save point and replay everything."

"You're stupid," Tsukishima says and takes the cigarette back. They're both so, so too young for this. He takes a drag. "You can't go back anyway. It doesn't make any sense to think about it if ultimately you can't change anything about it."

"You're a killjoy," Tetsurou complains but it lacks any real snark. "Give me back my cigarette."

"You're too young to smoke."

"You're younger than me."

"Who cares?"

_I do_ , Tetsurou wants to say because he's a big damn hypocrite. But Tsukishima in the nightly city's dim light, glowing skin and the first sign of cracks in his golden eyes is a sight too beautiful to directly look at without the urge to wrap him into a blanket, to keep him safe from everything the world could offer and then some. Tetsurou had always been stupidly protective like that, even though he knows Tsukishima wouldn't appreciate it.

So Tetsurou sighs and doesn't wrap Tsukishima into any blankets. "Still."

Tsukishima sighs too. "Fine," he says and extinguishes the cigarette on the ground before it can start to glow golden. Tetsurou watches as the glimmer disappears on the gray of the concrete under their hands and still watches as Tsukishima becomes the only source of light. The hard surface slowly starts to crack under Tsukishima's fingers but Tsukishima doesn't care because he's used to it by now, and Tetsurou doesn't notice because after all those years, he's still caught off guard by the way Tsukishima looks after dark.

"Thanks." Tetsurou smiles and Tsukishima silently raises his eyebrows at the honest tone of his voice. The soft hours between midnight and sunrise are for honesty, Tetsurou has decided, but they both haven't quite grown used to it yet. Time will tell.

"I still think that there are some times where you just want to go back to  _ before _ ," Tetsurou says later, when the morning sun almost begins to rise over the rooftops. Neither of them have classes tomorrow, so Tetsurou watches the first rays of light bleed over the city without feeling too guilty.

"Mhm." Tsukishima gives him a sceptical look, but doesn't argue further. Maybe he's tired, or maybe Tetsurou's amazing arguments have convinced him. Tetsurou is inclined to believe the latter. "We'll see about that." He yawns; they're both tired, but Tetsurou is better at hiding it.

"We will," Tetsurou agrees. "One day. Come on, let's go home."   


..

"I can't believe it," Tsukishima says, all sarcasm and ice-cold sneer. He's mad, he's so mad, and Tetsurou knows he has all the reasons to. "You go to Yokohama and you don't even  _ tell  _ me about it? Wow, that speaks volumes." His hand clutches his phone like a lifeline, screen still unlocked. Tetsurou can see that the messages are still open. He can imagine who’s been texting Tsukishima.

Tetsurou almost regrets every decision that has led him to this point in his life. Almost. "I would have told you eventually," he says. "I promise. Just, not yet. Not while everything was still unsure."

" _ You found an apartment already _ ," Tsukishima grits. "That's not unsure. Did you really plan on telling me? Or should I just have found out that you weren't there anymore one day? Should your mom have told me, like she did today? Did you even plan on saying goodbye?"

"Tsukki-" Tetsurou begins. "I'm sorry, really."

Tsukishima bites his lip in silent anger. His nose turns white and his eyes glow -- glow more like they usually do and if he touched something right now, it would break and shatter beneath his fingertips and turn into light. "Are you, though. I was even  _ happy  _ for you when you told me you got accepted into their program. You never mentioned that it would be in another fucking city."

_ It's not the end of the world, is it? _ Tetsurou is tempted to say, but he knows that this isn't a matter of moving to another city, of being apart from each other. No, this is a matter of trust, and telling each other about things. Trust that Tetsurou violated.

He sighs and really tries not to grow angry as well, because when they both yell at each other, things usually become very ugly very fast. He knows he's technically at fault here, at least in Tsukishima's eyes, but he also knows that he wouldn't have done anything different. The distance isn't that big. They'll manage, if he tells Tsukishima or if he doesn't.

"I'm sorry, really," he says and oh, he can't quite force out the angry edge in his voice after all. "But it's not the end of the world if I go to Yokohama for my Bachelor's. We'll manage."

"Don't you get that it isn't about that," Tsukishima hisses, clutches the phone in his hand tighter. The screen flickers and glows golden and dies; it will take a lot of work before the cellphone will function again. "You idiot, get out if you don't get it.  _ It isn't about that _ ." Tetsurou wants to tell him that he very well knows that it's not about that but he won't admit it, because Tsukishima isn't the only one who can be stubborn.

He, however, is the one who has more pure destructive power on his side. Skin glowing golden, wrecked cellphone in his hand. A faint crack running over his skin right under his left eye, that lasts all the way to his chin and lets golden light shine through his body. Tsukishima Kei is a terrible force to be reckoned with when he's angry, but Tetsurou will be damned if he isn't also the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

Tetsurou, by now, knows that he won't be affected by the golden light, no matter what he says. Whatever gets turned into a living timebomb, he, for some reason or the other, stays unaffected by it; but that still isn't any reason to try. Don’t be reckless, because he doesn’t want to end up as a cellphone.

He turns around. "Fine, I’ll. I won't change my application, if that is what you want." They both know it isn't. The door falls shut behind Tetsurou and he takes a deep breath of winter air to calm himself down. Keeps walking, home, without giving an explanation to why he's so close to shouting, crying, breaking something in a faint imitation of Tsukishima. Tries to forget the gold.

It's going to be alright eventually, he tries to convince himself.

Later, Tetsurou finds him in his backyard, sitting on the stairs leading into the garden and staring at the sky. He doesn't say anything, not when Tetsurou approaches -- loud enough for him to hear, though he doesn't turn his head -- not when he sits down next to Tsukishima. Tetsurou takes a moment to look at him: golden in the dark, illuminated by the single light next to the stairs. He looks just as bad as Tetsurou is feeling. Guilty. Angry. Desperate. The ground next to him doesn't have any cracks.

"Hey," Tetsurou says finally. That causes Tsukishima to turn his head and look at him, properly look at him this time. "Tsukki."

"Hey." Tsukishima's breath forms a cloud in front of his lips. It's freezing and he's not wearing a coat, just a blue knitted jumper that looks too big on him. It can't possibly keep him warm.

Tetsurou takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry for before. I should have told you about the move sooner."

Tsukishima regards him, head cocked to one side. He's listening.

"I just didn't want the last few months getting overshadowed by the fact that I won't be here next summer, you know? And I thought maybe you'd take it better if we had less time to discuss the whole thing, you know? If it was fixed facts rather than possibilities."

That gets almost a laugh in response, something between a huff and a headshaking smile. "I didn't."

"You didn't, yeah. I noticed."

"But seriously. Did you really think I would try to argue with you to stay here when you wanted to leave?"

Tetsurou tries to find a way to look at Tsukishima that isn't sheepishly. He fails. "...Maybe?"

Tsukishima sighs. "I can't believe you. Sometimes I really wonder why we're still friends."

Tetsurou wants to tease him, wants to say *Aww, you think we're friends?*, but he doesn't. Not now. Instead, he asks: "You don't really think that, do you?"

That earns him another one of the I-can't-believe-you're-serious-right-now-looks. "No, I don't."

Something like a weight that Tetsurou didn't even know existed lifts from his chest. "Good."

Tsukishima snorts. "You're really stupid sometimes, you know? Just for your information."

"Believe me, I know." Tetsurou wants to add another snarky remark but he sees the way Tsukishima is almost shivering from the cold at this point. He has to do something about that at least, and not just because it's the last step to reconciliation. He owes.

He stands up and takes off his coat. "Come here," he says, despite Tsukishima looking like he would rather not. "Take this. You're freezing."

"You'll be freezing in my place," Tsukishima remarks, but doesn't take his eyes off the coat. His cheeks are red from the cold, not golden anymore at all.

"Doesn't matter. Come on, just take it."

Tsukishima huffs a laugh and grabs the coat from Tetsurou. "Thanks," he says and wraps himself in the black felt like a blanket.

"Nothing to thank me for," Tetsurou mumbles and sits down next to Tsukishima again for no particular reason. They talked, they could go inside now. They talked, so there's no reason for them to stay out here, where they're alone and in the dark. They could go inside now. They don't. "Hey, I'm sorry. For, like, everything. I should have told you."

"It's fine." Tsukishima smiles at him, cheeks still red from the cold despite Tetsurou's coat. "I'm sorry too."

They stay there for a bit longer.

..   


Tetsurou is twenty and they really should know better than to sneak out the night before Tsukishima's big exam, but the universe has never known them for making good decisions. They end up in Tetsurou's shitty small student's flat with a bottle of whiskey and a string of promises to only drink a bit, but who has kept promises, anyway? Tetsurou puts on the alt rock playlist he has spent the last half year perfecting and the windows are open and they can listen to the faint sound of people passing by on the streets below and Tsukishima' skin glows only the tiniest bit and it's bliss. It's bliss.

"We're really stupid," Tsukishima sighs at some point, sprawled across Tetsurou's bed, on his back and eyes fixed on the ceiling. "I should never agree to anything you say ever again. Actually, I should stop talking to you." He turns his head to where Tetsurou sits on the ground, not that far away from him.

"Oh come on," Tetsurou teases and leans against the bed; this way, their faces are closer together than he can remember them to ever be, and it's both a bliss and a curse. "Admit it. You would miss me if you never talked to me again."

Tsukishima snorts and leans in a little closer. "I would," he says quietly, a secret shared like the space between them. "I would miss you."

Tetsurou looks into Tsukishima's eyes and he sees golden amber honey jasmine. He wants to drown.

Tsukishima is beautiful in a way that would be violent if he wasn't so goddamn  _ quiet  _ at the same time and Kuroo honestly thinks that this, one day, will be what kills him. Kuroo thinks that he will one day die by his hands, and that this is the way the universe is supposed to die.

"What?" Tsukishima teases when Tetsurou doesn't say anything. "Cat got your tongue?"

Tetsurou breaks away from him and tries his best sly grin. "With you, darling? Always."

Maybe he's drunk and he only imagines the sharp breath Tsukishima takes at the word 'darling'. He hopes he didn't.

"Don't say those things," Tsukishima scolds and Tetsurou barely misses a soft swat to his head. "Not when you don't mean them."

The alcohol has loosened Tsukishima's thoughts. But it has loosened Tetsurou's too, so he answers: "Who says I didn't mean it?" A grin steals itself on his lips because he really should be more careful about those kinds of things, but he also feels lightheaded and happy and warm right now. No better time to say this than now.

"Tell me tomorrow, then. If you really mean it." Tsukishima's golden eyes lock with Tetsurou's own and Tetsurou's breath briefly gets taken away, not the first time and not the last either. Tsukishima smiles slightly at him, openly and without any snark behind it for the first time in a while. "I won't say no, I promise."

"Won't you, huh." Tetsurou closes his eyes and allows himself to lean against the bed a bit more. It's not exactly comfortable, but at this point he's too tired to get up.

Tsukishima sighs and sits up. "I should probably leave now, though. Otherwise I'll just sleep through the test."

"Fine." Tetsurou groans and sits up. "Come on, let's go. Let's go. Don't want you to miss the test tomorrow."

They part ways at the door with Tetsurou affectionately ruffling Tsukishima's hair and Tsukishima being too drunk to pat his hand away, with a last 'good luck' and a 'thank you, I won't need it'. Once Tsukishima is gone, Tetsurou sighs heavily and leans against the closed door.  _ Who says I didn't mean it? Tell me tomorrow, then. I won't say no. _

In the morning though, the alcohol is gone, and it has taken the time and the place for such words with it. If Tsukishima remembers the conversation, he doesn't mention it; not when Tetsurou calls him later to ask him how the test went and not when they meet later that day, and not the next day and never after that. There will be a time for this, Tetsurou hopes; but he doesn't know when, and he doesn't plan on finding out anytime soon.   


..

"Can I ask you for a favor?" Tsukishima says when Tetsurou's twenty-two, the first afternoon of the summer. He looks almost reluctant, avoids Tetsurou's gaze the tiniest bit, though he is never shy; now's not a good time to start with it, but Tsukishima doesn't look like he's planning to.

"If it's you, always," Tetsurou says and tries not to make it obvious that he actually means the words. Nobody needs to know about the crush on the glowing boy from his childhood, with honey golden amber jasmine eyes that have little cracks in them, least of all the boy himself. He wouldn't appreciate it.

They're sitting on the hills, grass high and hiding them from the world, and ever since they've been separated from each other for the first time, when they weren't at the same high school anymore, Tsukishima has started to glow more, even not in the dark; so when they sit in the grass and watch the breathing city below, Tetsurou can actually see some of the light be reflected on his own skin. It's beautiful, in a way that no mortal should actually be allowed to see. It feels like cheating, but Tetsurou has never been above cheating if it meant that he would get what he wanted to.

"I-" Tsukishima starts and then somehow doesn't seem to know how to continue. He looks away for the blink of an eye and then turns his head to look at Tetsurou again, only to finally focus on the city below. A car drives by in the distance, the only sound in the mellow silence around them. "Would you call me by my first name?"

The request is so sudden that Tetsurou momentarily doesn't know how to respond, only it's not sudden at all and Tetsurou asks himself if prayer circles actually work. He clears his throat, just a little bit to find the time to sort his thoughts. _ Dear Gods, how do I call the glowing boy with the honey golden amber jasmine eyes with the little cracks in them by his first name without my voice failing? Without giving in to it? _

"Kei," Tetsurou says finally, after a few seconds of tense silence. He tastes the name on his tongue, rolls it around, tries to make it fit like he hasn't silently wished to call him that a million times before. "Kei. It's nice. It suits you."

"Thanks. I didn't do anything for it." Tsukishima-- Kei pulls his legs close to his chest, hugs them and looks at the city. He looks almost vulnerable, like he doesn't quite fit his eighteen years yet, like they're sleeves too long for his arms. His eyes are glowing and Tetsurou can almost imagine the whole hill starting to glow too, before it tears apart. Tsukishima Kei makes a living time bomb out of everything he touches, but if that is the price Tetsurou has to pay for everything, he'll gladly pay it.

Tetsurou feels the sudden need to lightly slap Kei's arm with a grin, before the mood gets too heavy. "Don't be such a smartass all the time, you'll never find a girlfriend that way." And before he can decide whether it's a good or a bad idea: "Now you have to call me by my first name too."

"Who says that I want a girlfriend?" Kei says, and then, like an afterthought, adds: "Tetsurou."

Tetsurou's heart skips a beat for multiple reasons.

"I-" Tetsurou begins. "You're going to be the death of me one day, Kei. Really."

Kei snorts. "Don't be so dramatic," he says but there's a smile tugging on his lips and it doesn't take long before they laugh together, free of everything they should and shouldn't be. Tetsurou lets himself fall backwards, right into the high grass, and props up one arm to look at Kei. Kei doesn't do him the favour to lie down too, but he turns around until he sits cross-legged opposite from Tetsurou, watching him as his head rests heavy on one of his arms.

Tetsurou knows he could technically bring it up now. *Who says I didn't mean it? Tell me tomorrow, then. I won't say no.* He could have brought it up ages ago, the day after Kei finished his last exam or the day after that, or the day Kei started university or the day Tetsurou got his Bachelor's degree. The time would have been there. The *moments* would have been there too, definitely. But still, for reasons he himself can't quite grasp yet, Tetsurou hasn't made a move yet. Isn't sure if he ever will, because why give up a good thing if it could end in disaster?

_ Don't you wish we could go back to being cocoons? _

Kei regards him with silent curiosity. "What's up?"

Tetsurou shakes his head and pretends that the hill Kei's hands is already starting to tear itself apart. It doesn't happen, not yet; not when Kei's in a good mood, not when he's content being here with Tetsurou like this. Not yet.

"Nothing," he says and smiles. Kei seems to accept the answer because he returns the smile. "Nothing's up."

Kei is in a good mood, so the hill stays unbroken. Soft blades of glass dance in the wind and for a moment, it's peaceful. It's all peaceful and in that moment, Tetsurou can't imagine it to ever change.

"I wish this moment would never pass," he says, which earns him a curious look from Kei.

"Every moment ends at some point."

"I know, I know." Tetsurou sighs. "But I can still pretend, right?"   


..

Tsukishima Kei has always been good at breaking things and when he is twenty, the breaking takes a new dimension.

It starts with nothing and everything. Mainly, Tetsurou remembers nothing from twenty minutes  _ before _ ; not how he got here, not how he can fix this again. But he's standing in the streets of Tokyo, ankle-deep in something that isn't quite water and isn't quite light but a terrible, shining mix of both, and the sun has taken over the entire sky. It's so bright that Tetsurou squints his eyes shut for a moment, and only after he's opened again, he realizes the worst thing of it all.

There is nobody else here.

The city is, quite literally, in shambles. Nothing looks like it did before: buildings broken down like nobody has lived here for a long, long time and the debris floating in the water even though all laws of physics should forbid it. Plants grow over some of it, like they've been here for a very long time and not just a few minutes. Hours. Days?

Time seems like an illusion under this terrible, glowing, peaceful, threatening white sky. Tetsurou can't even figure out how he got here -- or where everyone else is, or where Kei is, or how the world turns back to normal -- so how should he be able to know how much time has passed?

He needs to find somebody. Anybody would do, anyone to fill this terrible, unnatural silence. Tetsurou makes his way through the city, stumbles over leftover debris and leaves small splish-sounds whenever he steps into the light-water that seems to linger in the air for the tiniest bit too long. All the while, eerie silence fills the city like a silent elegy. In this vacuum of any life, Tetsurou grows more desperate by the minute.

He couldn't tell how long it takes until he finally finds somebody. At first, he doesn't even recognize the person, just sees the human silhouette and starts running -  _ splash splash splash _ \- towards the figure, sitting on a seesaw in the middle of a playground like they're waiting for someone, back turned to Tetsurou. Then, Tetsurou realizes who it is.

"Oikawa," he huffs, out of breath, and stops before him. Hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Are you-"

Oikawa turns around to look at Tetsurou. "Oh, you're finally here. Good, I wouldn't have waited much longer. You took your time."

"What is happening?" Tetsurou asks when he finally catches his breath again, and grabs Oikawa by the arm as if that would force any answers out of him. "Where is everyone?"

Oikawa smiles. "I don't know," he says. "Ask your friend, he might be able to help you."

"Kenma?" Tetsurou frowns.

"The other one."

Realization he doesn't want floods him. "Kei," he breathes and Oikawa makes a clicking sound and points at Tetsurou like he just made a life-changing realization. He did.

"Exactly."

"Where do I find him? Where is he?" The thoughts in Tetsurou's head are doubling over in helpless panic. If Kei truly is the cause for all of this, then how do they stop it--  _ then how is Kei doing? _

"Over there somewhere," Oikawa says, "at least as far as I know. Follow the ripples in the water, you should be able to find the way like this. Good luck."

"Thanks." Tetsurou breathes out and forces himself to be calm, steady, helpful, thankful. "I appreciate it." And then, when he slowly returns to functioning again, he adds: "Wait. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Where will you go when I leave?"

Oikawa hums and dips a finger into the water-light at their feet. Did it rise? Not yet, no, Tetsurou doesn't think so. The water forms ripples around the impact. "I'll go and look for Iwa-chan. If you're still here, that means he must be around here somewhere too, right?"

"What do you mean by ‘If I’m still here’-" Tetsurou really wants to ask, but Oikawa has already jumped to his feet, ankle-deep in the light-water and somehow managing to glow from the inside in a completely different way than Kei.

"I'll see you around, Kuroo," Oikawa says breezily without looking at him. "Good luck, you'll probably need it."

"Thank you," Tetsurou says. "You too." He blinks and then Oikawa is gone; a figure strolling in the distance though abandoned streets, and the light-water makes it almost look like he's floating. Tetsurou hopes that he'll find who he is looking for. He deserves it.   


..   


He finds Kei sitting on a windowsill in an empty house. The sunlight hasn't quite reached him yet but he still looks translucent: skin breaking, cracking, ripping open like porcelain that has lived for too long, fragile veins over white paint. Only Kei isn't porcelain and his skin is glowing in yellow, golden, sunset orange. From the cracks, warm light floods the room. When Tetsurou enters, he looks up.

"Hi, Tetsu," he says with a smile. "You shouldn't have come."

_ Tetsu _ . It's a shame that Kei waits until they're both going to die to call him that.

"What is happening?" Tetsurou asks instead of a greeting. "What is happening to  _ you _ ?" He takes a step forward, hand stretched out because some part of him just wants to touch Kei, wants to pull him into a hug and promise that everything will be okay in the end, but as soon as he moves, Kei jumps up like he's been burned.

"Don't touch me," Kei says. The pained look on his face is nothing compared to how Tetsurou knows they both hate this. "You'll disappear too if you do it."

"The sun has taken over the entire sky," Tetsurou says without accepting Kei's answer, but he doesn't try to touch him again either. How do you tell your friend lover everything that you don't mind dying if everything else has already died at his hands, too? "Are you causing all this?"

"I am," Kei says. "At least I think so -- I can't say for sure, nothing like this has ever happened before. I don't even know why it's happening now, of all times."

"Well." Tetsurou sighs and takes a step closer anyway, even though he doesn't plan on touching Kei if he doesn't want him to. "I have no idea either, I'm sorry. Any plans on fixing this?"

Kei stares out of the window, at the light-water and the white, white sky. The empty streets and the debris that floats around. "I don't know," he admits. "This is all because of me. Maybe it's some part of me that needs fixing. It's funny, because I don't even know how to fix myself."

Tetsurou doesn't tell him that this isn't the time for introspection because Kei might actually be onto something here. In vain of anything else to say, he hums.

"I won't hate you if you leave me behind now, you know," Kei says. "You have every reason to run away. Maybe you will live a bit longer than the rest of the world then."

Outside, the buildings are slowly starting to crumble as soon as nobody's looking; the ash is mixing into the light-water and Tetsurou is almost sure that it would glow in the dark -- only he doesn't think it will ever be dark again. There aren't any people anymore, just clouds and light-water and a golden, golden sky.

"Would you believe me if I said that I would stay by your side, even if it means my death?" Tetsurou says and Kei laughs and breaks a bit more. A piece of his cheek falls off and turns to dust before it can touch the ground

"I would."

"Good." In that case, Tetsurou decides, everything is pointless anyway. He takes Kei's hand.

Nothing happens. Tetsurou doesn't fade into golden light and the cracks on Kei's skin don't spread. The water-light on the ground doesn't magically disappear and the sun doesn't fade to be the same as before, but-- nothing happens. Tetsurou doesn't fade into golden light and the cracks on Kei's skin don't spread. Tetsurou doesn't fade into golden light and the cracks on Kei's skin don't spread.

"It hasn't changed," Kei says, perplexed, even though he's simply stating what's already obvious. He looks at Tetsurou's hand like it's a lightning rod, a lifeline, his safepoint when everything else has died. "It hasn't died."

Tetsurou almost laughs, then, right here right now. "No, you genius," he says. "It hasn't. So what does that mean?"

Kei lifts his shoulders in a helpless shrug. "I don't know. But stay with me?"

"Always," Tetsurou says and doesn't let go of Kei's hand.

Kei holds onto Tetsurou's hand like a lifeline and Tetsurou looks at the golden cracks in it, half in awe and half in terror.

"Tell me something," Kei says eventually.

"What do you want to hear?"

Kei hums. "Doesn't matter. I just want to hear your voice."

Tetsurou doesn't have to think much before he says: "I met Oikawa on my way here." Kei's hand tenses around Tetsurou's own, more in surprise than anything else. The rumbling outside continues and they still don't hear it. "He was the one who told me where to find you, actually."

"What was he doing?" Kei asks. He has his eyes closed. Maybe because there's nothing to see outside. *What was he doing?* he asks; not  _ how is he still here? _ . Tetsurou wonders if Sugawara and Akaashi and everyone else he's met are still out there somewhere too, making their way through the ruins of a city under the sun.

"Waiting for me, I think. After that, he went to look for Iwaizumi. He said something strange about that too, he-"

Kei opens his eyes. "Iwaizumi was there too?"

"Apparently." Tetsurou sighs. "It doesn't really make sense, does it? If only the ones like you and Oikawa got spared, it doesn't make sense that he's still there. But then again, it doesn't really make sense that I'm still here, too."

"Wait, no," Kei mumbles like he's not really talking to Tetsurou anymore. "Maybe it does."

But he doesn't elaborate on that point and Tetsurou won't ask if he doesn't want to, so he stops talking and watches the outside world again. The buildings aren't turning to dust anymore, caught in their strange half-existent shape for the moment. The silence isn't eerie this time, not when they're both here. Not when their hands are still touching.

"Hey, Tetsu," Kei says finally. "We're probably going to die now. Can I ask you for a favour?"

Tetsurou smiles. "I already told you. If it's you? Always."

"Whatever happens, don't let go of my hands. Please."

"Okay, promise." Tetsurou holds his hand tighter, just to prove his point, and takes the other one too. "I won't."

Tsukishima exhales. "Thank you."

Then he leans his head forward and dips his forehead against Tetsurou's. He's warm and his skin doesn't feel like something that's been torn open; too soft, to smooth. Tetsurou runs his thumb over Kei's hands and thinks  _ If this is all we ever get, I'm content with this. Then this is good. This is enough. _

The world around them is silent. Tetsurou will not let the world die like that. Kei's skin slowly stops glowing.

As it stands, there are currently three truths and no lies.

"The city has stopped falling apart," Kei says at some point, like only notices now. "The silence is gone." Even though there are still no noises; but Tetsurou knows what Kei means.

"Your skin has stopped glowing," Tetsurou says in return. "Maybe focus on that first."

Kei stares at his hands like they're something he has never seen before.

Tetsurou smiles.

The glow on Kei's skin, the glow that was there since he was a little kid, has disappeared. It has taken the cracks with it, starting from Kei's hands when they both weren't looking. His skin is warm, pale,  _ normal _ . It's something entirely different from what Tetsurou has ever seen, but it isn't bad. It isn't bad.

"It has-" Kei repeats, unbelievingly. Tetsurou almost wants to laugh: What is there to believe if every single law on this planet has been lifted by now? "You're right," he says after a few seconds, after he has caught his composure again. "You're right, it's-"

Tetsurou slowly walks over to the window without letting go of Kei's hands. Outside, the sky has started glowing. It's still white as far as he can see, but it's no longer glowing, like the sun has hidden away. There's less debris on the streets. He isn't sure, but the light-water might be fading.

"It rebuilds itself," Tetsurou finally realizes. "The world rebuilds itself."

He looks to Kei, who has stood up and followed him outside, hands still linked. Kei smiles, eyes focused on something he can't quite see, something in the distance. Maybe only he can see whatever it is. "It is," Kei reassures him, holds their hands tighter and nods at them. "Can I-"

Tetsurou releases his hands, first one and then the other. For a moment, they both hold their breath; but nothing happens. The world doesn't suddenly start falling apart again and the sky doesn't light up anymore. Kei's skin doesn't have more cracks and it doesn’t glow anymore, like he’s a god that has finally descended to the plane of mortals. He isn’t, but it almost looks that way, under this white, white sky. Everything suddenly feels out of proportion.

“It’s going to be alright,” Tetsurou whispers, both to convince Kei and as a statement. It’s going to be alright. “It’s going to be alright.”

“It is,” Kei says, slowly. It feels like it’s right for them to stand this close together. Like it’s always been destiny that one day, they would be here, in this moment. “It will be.”

Tetsurou cups Kei's face with both hands. For a moment, they stay like that: breathless and scared and happy and coexisting in this small space that only belongs to them. "Kei," Tetsurou whispers. Kei half-closes his eyes, not quite golden anymore but still just as beautiful.

“Tetsurou.”

There are certain things that will leave a brand on your heart no matter what you do. Moments that you couldn't possibly avoid in any timeline because you think that maybe fate has set them out for you to happen in every possible universe.

_ Why give up a good thing if it could end in disaster? _

_ Why not? _

Tetsurou doesn't want to go back to being a cocoon anymore.

He leans in and, just like that, he makes a decision.

The world around them slowly rebuilds itself; soon, there will be people walking the streets and a blue sky stretching above them and no light-water at all, but they won't be here to see it. They're still lost in each other and Tetsurou hasn't ever really cared for the world; what is there to see when there's Kei Kei Kei right here, smiling against Tetsurou's lips in a moment that is too bright to ever end.

Time is an illusion while the world recovers and Tetsurou couldn't say afterwards how long they stood there. Does it matter? When he finally steps back, Kei smiles at him. Around them is the city they know: to the people passing by, they must look like a young couple with eyes only for each other and not the world. They aren't wrong, but they know of nothing. Tetsurou doesn't mind.

He smiles back.

"Come on. Let's go home."

..   


Life doesn't really change, just because your skin doesn't glow anymore and things stopped turning into a living timebomb under your fingertips. They both go to university in different cities and see each other only a few times during the week, no matter how hard they try to arrange their schedules in sync. Tetsurou is still obnoxious and Kei still pretends to be annoyed by him but still comes to visit him every weekend.

Life doesn't really change, but things never quite stay the same either. Over Kei's face runs a little crack, starting at his right eyebrow and all the way down to his chin, and in the right lighting, if you look closely enough, it gleams golden. His eyes aren't glowing all shades of gold anymore, but Tetsurou has come to terms with that and he thinks that one day, Kei will too. Some changes are more welcome than others: lingering touches when they see each other and slow dancing in the middle of the night when they both start laughing breathlessly and collapse onto the couch and fleeting kisses in between, but in the end, they're all changes and Tetsurou embraces them, now. They aren't cocoons anymore. They can deal with a little change now and then.

Their life's red and blue and black and green and one day silver, but there's no gold. There's peace to be made with that.

Tetsurou doesn't think that he will die by Kei's hands anymore, and he doesn't see a problem with that.

**Author's Note:**

> hi haikyuu fandom! (: this will NOT be the last fic i write for those two, i promise  
>    
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/neonlightism)


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